"i can fix him syndrome"

Excuses. Protection. Guilt. These are some of the simple words that describe what someone in an abusive relationship does. Excuses are made for their abusers behavior. "He had a rough day." Protection and excuses go hand in hand. "He's a great dad, he would never harm his kids." A sense of guilt is there because the abuser has made it clear that everything is the victims fault. The victim no matter what tries to make it all better. She will avoid certain things not to "trigger" him. The walking on eggshells happens more and more frequently. Verbal abuse escalates to physical abuse. Hiding scars becomes the new norm. Most of the time she has "I can fix this/him syndrome." 

​The mistake many women make is thinking "he will change." Things will definitely get better, he is just having a rough patch in life. Whether or not he changes the damage is done. It's not up to the victim to change him or try to save him. Abuse is abuse no matter what and should not be tolerated. Most say easier said than done and that is very true but key is it can be done and it's best to get out. There's this "ride or die" misconception in abusive relationships and ladies you don't have to "die" in the process. Whether it be actual death or losing yourself to the point you don't even know who you are anymore. 

Reality is there is no magic wand that can fix an abuser. All that energy that is used on that type of relationship reverse it and use it on building and focusing on self love. It's not the victims duty to fix his life and pay for the choices he has made. Whatever insecurity he has it's on himself it has nothing to do with the other person. Protecting him, making excuses, and feeling guilty will not fix him or the situation. There is no love in this world that should hurt.